and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
