She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Randomize
