The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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