I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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