if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
