Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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