she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
