oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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