It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
