This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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