i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
