i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
