Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize
