you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize