Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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