I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
