she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize