White coat. Heels.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
