I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
