11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize