You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
