sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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