I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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