Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize