i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
