Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
