It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
