Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
