She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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