I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
