Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
