dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
