'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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