Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize