There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
