He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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