Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
