I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize