He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
