Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
