i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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