Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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