does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
