It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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