i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
