I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
