Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
