I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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