We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
