What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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