I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
This is my life. Enjoy the view
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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