Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
