So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I will be naked everywhere
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
