Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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