Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
