Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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