insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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