Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
