bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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