Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
