can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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