So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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