i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
