I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
