Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just invented taco cereal.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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