its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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