i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
