haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
