can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize