I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
