I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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