They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
