Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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