A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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