I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
