he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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