ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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