I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
