Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
