I'm gonna have a badass scar
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
