does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize