remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
