I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize
