I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
