i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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