therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I need to align my fucking chakras
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
