my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
