I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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