My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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