why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
