OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize