so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
