If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
