have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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