me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
