who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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