Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
