How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize