genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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